Crouch's trauma did not win him any sympathy with his team-mates.
He revealed to The Sun: "I've got to wear this huge metal brace - all I need is a few more spots and I can go back to school.
"The boys are giving me stick and I'm getting called all sorts.
"The favourite one seems to be The Shermanator after the character in American Pie, which is far from ideal.
"I had the mouthguard fitted and he's put a Stoke badge right in the middle of it. Who knows? Perhaps it will become a bestseller by the end of the season!"