West Ham United midfielder Kieron Dyer admits he let down Sir Bobby Robson at Newcastle United.
Dyer, who was unable to attend Robson's memorial service in Durham last week due to Carling Cup commitments with West Ham, had been identified by many of the game's observers as the man who undermined Robson's grip on the Newcastle manager's job following his antics just before the Boro match in August 2004.
Stories that Kieron Dyer was dropped to the bench for refusing to play on the right wing were, in the aftermath of the match, dismissed as "utter rubbish" by Robson, but Dyer has admitted that Robson was merely covering for his player.
The 30-year-old winger told the Telegraph: "I was in China on a pre-season tour with West Ham when Warren Barton broke the news to me that Sir Bobby had died.
"We were at a stadium for a friendly and they organised a minute's silence for him.
"I broke down during that silence because I couldn't stop thinking about that Middlesbrough game.
"I couldn't stop thinking about what I cost him. If there was one thing I could go back to and erase in my life, it would be that. Just to have played that game.
"What was so horrible about Middlesbrough was that he got sacked a couple of games after. I took that on my shoulders.
"He understood my reasons and there's a lot more to that story. I'm protecting a friend of mine so I can't tell it all.
"But I still should have started the game where he wanted me to start. I can't believe now that I acted the way I did. Afterwards, the press got stuck into me for letting Sir Bobby down. But he would not hang me out to dry.
"Instead, he came straight out of his press conference and said to me 'they've got a story brewing but I've just told them you didn't play because of your tight hamstring'. I was thinking 'I've just let you down and here you are still protecting me'. It was unbelievable.
"Soon after that, we had Norwich at St James's Park in a night game. I started. I had 52,000 people booing me every time I touched the ball because of what I'd done to the manager.
"The gaffer put me out of my misery after 60 minutes and I ran straight down the tunnel and jumped in the bath. Sir Bobby came into the bathroom after all the lads had gone. He sat down and he was upset because he thought he had let me down because of all the stick I was getting and he couldn't protect me."
