Bale has been ruled out of Wales' Euro qualifier with England this weekend due to injury.
“I wish he was English,” Crouch said.
“He’s a proud Welshman and we have been giving each other stick in recent weeks. It will be horrible if we lose or even draw after the stick I have given him.
“The thing about him is his energy. He has got terrific pace and he runs the length of pitch with the ball and is back again quickly.
“Then he is ready to do it again. He makes me tired to look at him. He’s also got this great left foot. He scares teams to death.”