He said: "I felt had things not worked out and had Ricky not got over the line, I was culpable. Culpable for what people would have perceived - what they are saying about the Newcastle players, for instance, and what they are saying about the Middlesbrough players.
"Was it my fault? I sanctioned all those deals. You start doubting yourself and you keep very much to yourself.
"Socially, I was non-existent, I just wanted to be on my own all the time for those last eight weeks. Self-doubts creep in.
"Look, it was a gamble - I admit it was a gamble, but it's a gamble that paid off.
"I understand the consequences if it went wrong, but that's why I am in the position I am and that's why I have to make the decisions I do.
"It worked this time, so now I have got to take advantage of that.
"Ricky has given me the opportunity to take advantage of that, and I am thrilled that Steve has agreed to come and drive it on now."