Retiring West Ham United striker Dean Ashton admits he broke down in front of teammates when tried to make a comeback in August.
The former England international announced his retirement yesterday after a long battle to overcome an ankle injury.
He told The Sun: "After missing a whole year, I started last season with two goals against Wigan and thought I was getting there. But I started getting a new, funny feeling which then became worse. I knew I was going to need a third operation.
"I had the op at the end of September and still had hope. I then started getting another different feeling. I went over to Holland to see a specialist. He said that I had a bit of bone rubbing against my tendon and would need another op. My fourth. In August of this year, I tried to join in with the first team. I went to do a jog around the pitch but at the end of second lap, I was struggling. The noise coming from my joint was terrible.
"Kieron Dyer thought it was my boots making the noise. I went to the side and was crying on the floor. This was the second time I'd broken down in tears. I knew this was it. Definitely. My last chance had gone.
"I was finished. The lads were all shocked and saddened to see me like that.
"Generally, I don't show a lot of emotion so it was probably strange to see a big lad like me crying. But I knew that was it. I've not watched much football since then. Just highlights, now and again, to see the goals. I haven't been to Upton Park because while I knew I was retiring, other people didn't and I didn't want to answer questions and lie.
"I'd like to think I had a chance of making the squad for South Africa but to be honest, I hate thinking about that. I will, of course, watch it and want England to win. I fell in love with football when I watched Gary Lineker at the 1990 World Cup.
"The delay over these last few months was due to myself and West Ham sorting out all the technicalities of me retiring. I'd like to thank West Ham for all the time they have spent on me and the fans have been terrific. I'm sad I could not get back and play in front of them."
