The Special One - speaking out after Barca boss Tito Vilanova hailed Messi as the greatest - believes Galactico Cristiano Ronaldo is so good he must be from outer space!
Mourinho said: "When someone with the same responsibility as me comes out and says 'Mine is the best on the planet' then I have to say 'mine was not born in Madeira, he was born on Mars. He is not from planet Earth, he is the best in the universe'.
"If Messi is the best on the planet, Ronaldo is the best in the universe.
"It would be a crime if Ronaldo did not win the Ballon d'Or."
Mourinho argues his man must reclaim the honour after helping Madrid win La Liga last season.
He said: "If you are going to give out the Ballon d'Or because a player is the best, give it to Cristiano or Messi. But I ask - if the two are on the same level, is it normal that one wins four and the other one? It is not.
"How can you win the Ballon d'Or without collecting titles, without winning anything important?
"Don't come to me telling me about the Intercontinental Cup or the Supercup, this is small stuff. Tell me about fat titles."