"I don't like diving," Harper told the Daily Mail. "None of our boys do it. When I get hit I just get up. I don't want people to know I'm hurt, for one. The rugby lads carry on with cut eyes and nose bleeds but Dida gets a little tap and goes off on a stretcher with an ice pack.
"If I ever see him, ever, I am going to tell him exactly what I think of him. Everyone in football is laughing at him. I couldn't show my face in the street if I was him. If I had a wife and kids, I couldn't look at them.
"The rolling around is embarrassing. People must look at us and laugh. Some of the foreigners scream when you hit them, a real high-pitched scream.
"Dave Kitson got sent off at Man United for this tackle on (Patrice) Evra and there was this scream. I thought, 'Oh my God, he's broken his leg', but then he's up running and taking shots."
Lack of respect from top officials is another common irritation for Harper, who added: "One thing we've found in the Premier League is that referees don't know who we are and they're calling other players by their nicknames.
"I know they're going to know 'Scholesy' and 'Carra' and be nice to them but last season we kept hearing, 'Oh, unlucky Lamps, unlucky Coley' and they don't even know who I am. I've had referees call me Kevin as in Kevin Harper (now at Dunfermline). I'm not having that."