COMMENT: Please. Can you do us a favour? If anyone knows Manchester United's actual transfer policy, can you just drop us a line below? We don't have a clue...
And you can bet, after the Pedro calamity, much of the Stretford End will be thinking the same thing today.
Where do you start?
What about the months of haggling over a buyout clause set in stone? The method of payment? Then to lose the player to a single bid from Chelsea, with negotiations that took barely an afternoon?
Or what about in the very same week, seeing Manchester City - when United are crying out for a centre-half - sign Nicolas Otamendi. A player, United insisted through the press, was only using their transfer interest to land himself a pay-hike from Valencia.
Then there's the approach to Southampton. After missing out on Pedro, United turn to Sadio Mane? Forget about whether the Ivorian is the right alternative. What about the centre-forward situation? And at the back? Yet United, with Memphis, Ashley Young and Adnan Januzaj available, are messing around trying to sign another like Mane?
Oh, and we almost forgot. There's still the goalkeeper situation. Sergio Romero and Sam Johnstone? That's United's two senior men now? And if Romero is injured or sent off, then what happens?
On paper, the season kickoff has been positive. Two wins from the opening two games. Victory in the first-leg of their Champions League qualifier. What's the problem?
But look deeper and the performances against Tottenham and Aston Villa were hardly spectacular. Club Brugge was a step up. But the opposition, a step down.
And there was a hint of desperation coming from the United camp after Memphis' two-goal performance. It was impressive. No doubt. But against a team which would struggle to finish mid-table in the Premier League.
Yet, from Rio Ferdinand to big Ron Atkinson, Memphis, after that one game, is apparently nailed on to match the success of Cristiano Ronaldo.
You can't blame those pundits connected to United talking up Memphis' performance. What else do they have? Six points from two games is the best they can muster. There's been no great individual performances, no thrilling football. It's been workmanlike- at best.
The lift has come from Memphis. No wonder Louis van Gaal wanted to kiss him! At least the Club Brugge performance offers some promise of what's to come.
But should that be Mane? Particularly when Kevin de Bruyne is available from VfL Wolfsburg? Why have United ceded this battle to City?
And why the need to sign a player in the Mane's mould? Is he really better than what United already have? Here's an idea, what about just leaving Southampton alone?! Making the offer all the more baffling is Mane's already Cup-tied from European competition.
United will not win anything with Daley Blind at centre-half. Nor will this United team be competitive isolating Wayne Rooney in attack. And should the captain break down, what then?
By the way, Robin van Persie scored for Fenerbahce last night. It was a winner at Europa League opponents Atromitos. But, of course, he had nothing to offer United this season...
The one hope United fans can point to is the late market business Ed Woodward pulled off 12 months ago. In that final week, he managed to land Angel di Maria and Radamel Falcao. And that was without the carrot of Champions League football.
After Wednesday's return-leg in Belgium, United expect to be in the Champions League group draw. It will be 12 months to the day that Woodward pulled off the Di Maria deal. It was one we all saw coming. The same can't be said for Falcao.
Does the United vice-chairman have another couple of aces up his sleeve? And if he does, will they actually be players the team needs?
Goalkeeper, centre-half, centre-forward. It's obvious, isn't it? Or maybe we're all missing something. If you can work it out, please let us know.
