He admits losing like he did with England in their last match against Germany and with Chelsea at Aston Villa on Sunday sends him spinning into darkness for days at a time - from which he hopes to emerge with crushing victory over Israel.
"Sometimes you even go home after matches and take it out on the family. I know it is mad but that's my mentality, always has been. It's hard to explain exactly how you feel.
"But after you've lost you just don't want to see anybody or even talk to anybody.
"The dressing room is dead. No one talks, sometimes it's that bad that people don't even say goodbye to you.
"You want to be on your own. You sit in a room on your own and just lock yourself away from everyone.
"You keep going over the game in your mind and wonder if there was something you could have done to have changed the result.
"So then you watch the match again and look for what went wrong. And that can be even more painful, even more frustrating to see it all over again but know there's nothing you can do.
"I am devastated when I lose a big match. That's why I find it so hard to switch off."